Quitters
By John Moore | NMPreps Features
When an athlete quits a sport, the reason most often given for quitting is something along the lines of, “It just isn’t fun any more.” Often the reason the sport is not fun any more is because the athlete has been surpassed in skill and is experiencing failure. Failure certainly is not fun. Along with the newfound failure, athletes may have pressure from parents to excel, adding to the stress of the athlete. Quitting alleviates stress from peers, coaches, and family along with easing the stress of time, school, and social demands.
Many coaches have had an athlete come in to quit the day after a game. Perhaps he or she did not get to play, maybe the family was in the stands, friends questioned the athlete as to why he or she didn’t play, and the athlete feels the sense of failure. Privately, the athletes may give excuses. “The coach doesn’t like me.” “Coach has his/her favorites.” “Coach doesn’t know what he/she is doing.” But in the coaches’ office, the athlete will give the, “it isn’t fun any more,” excuse, perhaps knowing it is the easiest path to quitting. Any professional spending time with teenagers knows that one of their greatest fears is embarrassment. Playing sports forces them to put themselves out there in an exhibition of skill. This bravery, although not recognized immediately, will be the very mettle that gets them through hard times as adults. The embarrassed athlete provides coaches with a great challenge.
The vital skill coaches possess is the proactive approach to quitters. Addressing this issue early and often with the team alleviates much of the issues “quitters” bring. This skill is not only evident in the team meetings, but in individual conferences with athletes. Coaches need to address individuals, with notes, and let the athlete know where he or she stands. These are very powerful moments in building relationships with players. An Auerbach coaching axiom is fitting here, “It is not what you tell your players that counts, it’s what they hear.” If a player feels he or she is valued and is given a path to success he or she is far more likely to continue the sport. Individual conferences should happen multiple times between the head coach and each individual player. Doing the conferences during practice does several things: 1. It allows your assistants to take ownership of practice, 2. It shows how important the conferences are, 3. It strengthens the bond between head coach and player, 4. It allows a coach to probe for possible issues with each athlete, 5. It gives the player a path to success.
The culture coaches build within their programs determines how many athletes want to be a part of it. Experienced coaches who have built the necessary, positive relationships rarely have to deal with the “quitter.” However, even the most ardent coach will have an issue. Most coaches will experience each of the following circumstances.
The Really Good Kid: In rare instances a kid who does everything asked of him and who is a great teammate will quit. These are tough for coaches but probably tougher for the athlete. A player who has fully bought in to the program will rarely choose to quit. When it does occur, he or she may resort to, “I just don’t love the sport like I used to,” or “It just isn’t fun any more.” These statements may be true, but more likely something has happened in this kid’s life to cause this. Is it embarrassment from lack of playing time? family problems at home? peer influence? or something else? Coaches cannot bargain with playing time, but they can delve into the issue. If the relationship is strong a coach can find the real issue. When a coach reaffirms how important the player is, the player will often come forward with real the true reasons, usually with real emotion.
Antonio Brown: Sometimes a kid will make a scene with the quit. This is the kid who goes up into the stands during a game or tosses his jersey at the coach in the middle of practice. When this happens it becomes clear the necessary relationship was not built and the player never understood the importance of being a part of the program. Making a scene severs the coach/player relationship but more importantly severs the player/player relationship. Discarding the uniform symbolizes discarding the entire team. Once this is done there is usually no repairing the relationship short term. Still, once tempers have calmed coaches should seek out the exit interview, as painful as it may be. This player needs to hear that his/her coaches hate when this happens and that both sides have failed in putting a stronger relationship in place. Should this player change his or her mind and want to return, this may be time for tough love. A coach can explain that teammates were counting on the player and asking them to do it again would not be fair to them.
The Disinterested Player: This player may seek to avoid the conflict and make excuses for not coming to practice. Even after coaches try to reiterate how important the player is, he or she may give lip service but continue to show disinterest. Here, the “It just isn’t fun any more,” may be exactly the case. The love of the game is actually a pretty rare thing. A coach can initiate this conversation in a private conference. Coaches may need to coax the honest answer to, “Do you want to be a part of this season?” from the athlete and it may be painful to hear.
Athletes need to hear how adults often reminisce about their teams; none claim they wish they had quit but many regret not sticking it out.
When we lose a kid, this is a failure, sometimes an inevitable one. Our kids have great pressure with family, peer influence, social interests, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, academics, depression, and more. The most important work comes in proactive measures. Coaches are challenged to build programs where kids want to be, despite all that goes on in their lives. Their programs are safe and loving places for kids where athletes know they will be challenged because the challenge, the grind, the discipline, the victories, the losses, the work, and the relationships are important to the adults they will become.
By John Moore | NMPreps Features
When an athlete quits a sport, the reason most often given for quitting is something along the lines of, “It just isn’t fun any more.” Often the reason the sport is not fun any more is because the athlete has been surpassed in skill and is experiencing failure. Failure certainly is not fun. Along with the newfound failure, athletes may have pressure from parents to excel, adding to the stress of the athlete. Quitting alleviates stress from peers, coaches, and family along with easing the stress of time, school, and social demands.
Many coaches have had an athlete come in to quit the day after a game. Perhaps he or she did not get to play, maybe the family was in the stands, friends questioned the athlete as to why he or she didn’t play, and the athlete feels the sense of failure. Privately, the athletes may give excuses. “The coach doesn’t like me.” “Coach has his/her favorites.” “Coach doesn’t know what he/she is doing.” But in the coaches’ office, the athlete will give the, “it isn’t fun any more,” excuse, perhaps knowing it is the easiest path to quitting. Any professional spending time with teenagers knows that one of their greatest fears is embarrassment. Playing sports forces them to put themselves out there in an exhibition of skill. This bravery, although not recognized immediately, will be the very mettle that gets them through hard times as adults. The embarrassed athlete provides coaches with a great challenge.
The vital skill coaches possess is the proactive approach to quitters. Addressing this issue early and often with the team alleviates much of the issues “quitters” bring. This skill is not only evident in the team meetings, but in individual conferences with athletes. Coaches need to address individuals, with notes, and let the athlete know where he or she stands. These are very powerful moments in building relationships with players. An Auerbach coaching axiom is fitting here, “It is not what you tell your players that counts, it’s what they hear.” If a player feels he or she is valued and is given a path to success he or she is far more likely to continue the sport. Individual conferences should happen multiple times between the head coach and each individual player. Doing the conferences during practice does several things: 1. It allows your assistants to take ownership of practice, 2. It shows how important the conferences are, 3. It strengthens the bond between head coach and player, 4. It allows a coach to probe for possible issues with each athlete, 5. It gives the player a path to success.
The culture coaches build within their programs determines how many athletes want to be a part of it. Experienced coaches who have built the necessary, positive relationships rarely have to deal with the “quitter.” However, even the most ardent coach will have an issue. Most coaches will experience each of the following circumstances.
The Really Good Kid: In rare instances a kid who does everything asked of him and who is a great teammate will quit. These are tough for coaches but probably tougher for the athlete. A player who has fully bought in to the program will rarely choose to quit. When it does occur, he or she may resort to, “I just don’t love the sport like I used to,” or “It just isn’t fun any more.” These statements may be true, but more likely something has happened in this kid’s life to cause this. Is it embarrassment from lack of playing time? family problems at home? peer influence? or something else? Coaches cannot bargain with playing time, but they can delve into the issue. If the relationship is strong a coach can find the real issue. When a coach reaffirms how important the player is, the player will often come forward with real the true reasons, usually with real emotion.
Antonio Brown: Sometimes a kid will make a scene with the quit. This is the kid who goes up into the stands during a game or tosses his jersey at the coach in the middle of practice. When this happens it becomes clear the necessary relationship was not built and the player never understood the importance of being a part of the program. Making a scene severs the coach/player relationship but more importantly severs the player/player relationship. Discarding the uniform symbolizes discarding the entire team. Once this is done there is usually no repairing the relationship short term. Still, once tempers have calmed coaches should seek out the exit interview, as painful as it may be. This player needs to hear that his/her coaches hate when this happens and that both sides have failed in putting a stronger relationship in place. Should this player change his or her mind and want to return, this may be time for tough love. A coach can explain that teammates were counting on the player and asking them to do it again would not be fair to them.
The Disinterested Player: This player may seek to avoid the conflict and make excuses for not coming to practice. Even after coaches try to reiterate how important the player is, he or she may give lip service but continue to show disinterest. Here, the “It just isn’t fun any more,” may be exactly the case. The love of the game is actually a pretty rare thing. A coach can initiate this conversation in a private conference. Coaches may need to coax the honest answer to, “Do you want to be a part of this season?” from the athlete and it may be painful to hear.
Athletes need to hear how adults often reminisce about their teams; none claim they wish they had quit but many regret not sticking it out.
When we lose a kid, this is a failure, sometimes an inevitable one. Our kids have great pressure with family, peer influence, social interests, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, academics, depression, and more. The most important work comes in proactive measures. Coaches are challenged to build programs where kids want to be, despite all that goes on in their lives. Their programs are safe and loving places for kids where athletes know they will be challenged because the challenge, the grind, the discipline, the victories, the losses, the work, and the relationships are important to the adults they will become.
